... LOVE OR COMMITMENT? (2)

#3: Team Love-Is-Everything

“It’s not wrong to love a person deeply; the only wrong thing might be the person you love”

This category of people is for the hopeless believers in love; those who say that “love is everything; and it is the axis on which our lives rotate…”

I have asked myself countless times if love is really as big a deal as we think; and as naive as it may sound, it is! It is all the things that we hear it is and much more… it is “what makes the world go round and also what makes the ride worthwhile.” This is why people would grope desperately at the slightest hint that they have found it. This does not mean that I find anything even remotely wrong with being deeply in love or trusting what you feel; the issue lies with how fast such assumptions are made, too much commitment and too much hope too soon! On the other hand; those who love like this are brave and bold but brave and bold in a way that I would call temerity… because it is unwise to constantly render yourself susceptible to hurt.

They have an unblemished concept of the idea thus their perspective is somewhat surreal.

“LOVE IS NOT A BUSINESS!”

I recently met someone; someone who if there were to be leaders assigned for each group; she would probably be the leader of group 3. She has been seeing the same man for close to 5 years; off and on. To the best of my knowledge, it has been a very ‘unstable’ relationship but she’s 100% certain that what they have is love. Albeit, they bring out the best and worst in each other - they have the wildest misunderstandings, they keep ‘breaking up’ (a period during which they see other people) but somehow, they have come back together time after time. “I would do whatever it takes to be with him...” she says “People think we won’t work but I know we are in love – it has to be! Otherwise, what keeps bringing us right back?” I will let you answer this for yourselves because I know that your thoughts are at par with mine. She constantly reprimands me regarding my take on the subject and in the strictest tone, says “love is not a business!” How can a person choose who they love and on the off-chance that they can, how is it possible to stop when you feel it is not right?

My answer is simple... and it is the same every time.

#4: Team Smart-In-Love

If you are faced with any difficulty answering the question she posed to me, ask yourself these – is he offering her some sort of comfort? Does he ‘satisfy’ her for however short/long a period before they split-up just to return to each other again? Does love need a break (If eventually they settled down together, how would they handle those moments when had they been dating when they had been seeing other people)? Is the constant ‘breaking-up’ perhaps the spark (the life-line) of their relationship?

These questions have only scratched the surface in trying to justify the reason why there is a group 4.

Group 4 - the group to which I belong - has close relations with the third group; members of both groups would venture into every single relationship the same way, unafraid but for different reasons - the latter being fantastic and the former, ‘somewhat calculated’. It also agrees that the ‘b’ part of the second group is a ‘must’ - we believe in love, ‘we love it’ but we don’t FALL in it. We WALK into it; eyes wide, shoulders square, baggage free (prepared/ready) – in fact, it is a DELIBERATE MOVE. We consider love a choice like every other decision to do a thing or not to do it on any other day! We hold it in high regards so much so that when we eventually offer it, the task of deciding not to be committed anymore proves herculean in comparison to giving it in the first instance. I carefully chose the word ‘commitment’ here because this is another ideology of love that the Group 4 members have – it never ends as long as it really was there!

In order not to cause discrepancies; what differentiates us from the others are that we can make ‘smart’ choices even then which is what is ideal. We love equally as hard.

In June 2005, I met someone and chose to love him - to listen to him, be there for him, spend time with him, pray for/with him... and I made up my mind to do these things even when it may not be especially convenient. We are not in a relationship but I love him. I've loved him the same way for almost 7 years - it has not wavered. Now, I cannot 'beat my chest' and speak for everyone that fits the 'specifications' of group 4 because I am aware that whatever concerns the heart and the intangible is never cast in stone but one thing is for sure; we are right back at the beginning - we do not and cannot separate love from commitment - they are twins!